Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
