I will die if light touches me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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