my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
