why didn't you poke me back
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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