Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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