Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
