your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
