well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
