I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
