Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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