I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
