God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
