Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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