Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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