And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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