Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
