Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
