I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
