God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
