i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
