...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
