every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
