Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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