Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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