At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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