If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
