Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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