So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
