he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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