his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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