i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
