The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
