She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
