I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
