I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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