you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
