she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
