And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
