pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
