Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
