People in love make me want to vomit
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
