where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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