It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
