I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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