Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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