you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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