I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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