either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
