hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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