I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
