Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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