maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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