Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
