Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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