It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
